|
Highway Wanderers –
February 2010
Newsletter
Presidents
Report
Well Christmas and New Year are just memories
and I hope yours was as enjoyable as ours. We
haven"t had much contact with members since
Rocky Rally but did have a very enjoyable week
end in Orange with Doug & Val Brown and we
thank them for not only parking room but the
lend of their car. We also caught up with Tom
& Sandra Sargent. Kim & Les Saunders
stayed with us for a couple of nights on their
way south. I would love to be able to attend
the Rally in Tassie, but as this is not
possible I look forward
to
Port Macquarie.We will try to arrange a Pre
Rally gathering so watch for details
either on the web or in a newsletter. Lets
hope we can repeat the Highways success in
the disk bowls, even better win another
couple of medals. Safe travel to all
members.
Vicki
Samin
Secretary
Report
Hello to all Highway
Wanderers wherever you happen to be
wandering. Welcome to 2010 (only another
90 years and it will be 2100). Only seems
like yesterday that we left Rockhampton
to head South. We had a good trip back to
Victoria via
Nanango, Orange, Mildura and finally to
Mansfield. Our booking for the Tassy
ferry was for
28th November and all
went well. It was a night sail and I am
glad that we spent the extra to get a
cabin. We were booked to come back to
Melbourne with the little Jimny on
the 11th December for
Christmas and all that with the rellies,
kids and Gkids. Having only 12 days or so
we headed West through Burnie, Wynyard
and then stayed in Stanley for a
week or so. Our first trip to Tassy and
wow it is beautiful. They reckon that
last year was the best rain they have had
for 50 years or more and the whole place
just seems lush and green. Something to
do and see every day. Thanks to a couple
of friendly Tasmanian Highway Wanderers
we were able to leave the rig while we
came back to Vic for Christmas.
Fortunately when we got back they had not
sold it and we were able to continue our
Tassy tour. Thanks J & M. Currently
heading for the East coast then south to
Hobart and then work our way back up
towards the pre rally get together at
Westbury (details in this
newsletter). Seems
like quite a few HW members are in Tassy
for the rally so make sure you get to the
pre rally gathering. Nothing much to
report from a HW point of view so our
General meeting at the Tassy rally should
be a quick one. I have ordered some new
HW stickers and they should be available
at the rally. For those new members that
didn’t get stickers I hope to send them
out when I receive them. There is not
much in the way of HW clothing left and I
don’t think we will be ordering any more
until we get back to the mainland. It
might be a topic for discussion at the
General meeting so that we can get an
idea of what members would like us to
order. Hope everyone is looking forward
to the disc bowls at the rally and maybe
our men’s triples champions might be able
to do two in a row. Pretty certain Phil
and Tom will be there but not sure about
Andrew. I haven’t heard what the theme
for the Saturday night is going to be but
most people seem to be banking on it
being
“convict/early settlers” so try and get
together some dress up stuff. Hope
everyone got the last newsletter. Most
people now receive it by email with about
40 receiving a hard copy. Unfortunately
the cost of printing a newsletter with
colour photos and other items is
prohibitive and so we may end up with an
email newsletter where we can incorporate
photos and colour and a black and white
hard copy which won’t incorporate photos
and colour. Another topic for discussion
at the rally.
Safe travelling and see
you somewhere on the road.
Chris and Barryne
Wilson
Rallies
24th Anniversary Rally:
Quercus Park - Carrick, TAS
Dates: 15 March - 21 March
2010
Rally Manager: Ken Newman
T9441
25th National Rally:
Port Macquarie,
NSW
Dates: 11 October - 17
October 2010 Rally Manager: Kay
Small N19243
March 11 - 14. Highway
Wanderers.
Pre-Rally Get-Together.
Westbury Cricket Club, Westbury St,
Westbury. Toilets, showers. No power. St
Patrick's Festival weekend. Further
details - Phil Procter 0427 444337. No
Details on cost at this stage but should
be minimal.
Maintenance
Levy
Levies are due on the
1st July for 2009. If you have not
already posted your remittance for
previous years would you please enclose
it along with your 2009 remittance?
Levies are $10.00 per
membership.
You can send a cheque
made out to Highway Wanderers to:
Highway Wanderers
Treasurer PO Box 110
BEAUDESERT Qld 4285
Or you can do a Bank Transfer
via Internet banking. Contact
treasurer@highwaywanderers.com
for bank
details.
Remember the Maintenance
Levy covers the costs of maintaining the
Chapter resources and the compilation and
distribution of the Newsletter. If you
would like to know if you are paid up to
date send an email to
treasurer@highwaywanderers.com
If you choose not to
pay the levy you will no longer receive
the newsletter.
Thank
youto those
wonderful
peoplewho support the
Chapter.
In no particular order
and no one more than
100
Helene Procter, Vicki
Samin,
Keryn Wood,
Maree Douglas,
Barryne Wilson,
Margie Cox,
Kim Saunders,
Joanne Tremain,
Val Brown,
Jan Sargent,
Max Dahler,
John Hodgkinson,
Jamie Douglas, Tom Sargent,
PaulHildebrand,
David Binskin,
Les Saunders,
Russell Bevan,
Derek Tremain, Bruce Sargent
If you would like to
tell us about specific special events
like milestone birthdays
(the big
0’s), anniversaries, marriages (only
3rd or 4th
ones) please
email details to
secretary@highwaywanderers.com
and we will let other
members know via newsletter and
website
From the
webmaster
Did you know that we
have our own web
site?
www.highwaywanderers.com
Now I know that not
everyone is “internet savvy” but you
don’t have to have your own computer to
get on the web. Maybe you know someone
who is hooked up to the Internet or maybe
ask someone in an Internet café to show
you how to get onto the HW website. It’s
a great way to keep up to date when you
are on the road or at home.
Highway Wanderers
Chatroom
If you have access to
the Internet and want to start chatting
with other HW members all you need to do
is go to
the HW website
www.highwaywanderers.com
and click on the link "My Stuff". The
chatroom is exclusive to HW members and
if you want to participate I will make
sure you are a HW member and then give
you the info to enable you to start
chatting with other HW members. in the
chatroom. As well as allowing you to chat
(typing and talking) online it is a great
way let other people know what you are
doing and where you are doing it. (Not
sure what IT means but whatever IT is we
all hope you are enjoying doing IT.) You
can use the chatroom to get all sorts of
info from other members, where to go,
where not to go, who is travelling where
and enabling people to get together if
they are going to be in the same area. If
you need info on stuff in general an
email to the mail list will most likely
get a reply from someone who can help and
because everyone on the list will see the
questions and answers then the rest of us
will benefit as well. It's a win win
really and we need as many fellow chapter
members to be involved as possible. The
chatroom is a closed group and only HW
members can participate so don’t worry
about getting junk mail etc. Do yourself
a favour and take a
look.
Robin Wood –
Webmaster
webmaster@highwaywanderers.com
Email
addresses
If you want your own email
addy like IE:
john.julie@highwaywanders.com send an
email with your requests in order of
priority to
mynewemailaddress@highwaywanderers.com
.
Talking about emails it
would be great if members that have an
email address could take a moment to send
us an email which will confirm your
current e/address and let us know whether
you want to receive the newsletter by
email or simply be advised when it is on
the website.
Chapter
Contacts
President
Vicki Samin
0427275487
president@highwaywanderers.com
V/President Sandra
Sargent 0428270671
vicepresident@highwaywanderers.com
Secretary
Chris Wilson
0408565760
secretary@highwaywanderers.com
Treasurer Chris
Wilson
0408565760
treasurer@highwaywanderers.com
Webmaster
Robin Wood
webmaster@highwaywanderers.com
Got something to
sell!
Let us know and maybe we can
put details on the website or in the
newsletter. Send details by email
(preferable)
sales@highwaywanderers.comor send to Highway
Wanderers PO Box
110 BEAUDESERT Qld
4285
Recipes
We need more
recipes. I’ve cooked up all the offerings that
were in the last news and they were delicious
but unless we get some more yummy recipes from
you lot I’m likely to fade away to an SFS. (see
if you can work out what that means)
Warning Warning
Warning Warning
If you are the
slightest bit offended by
rude,
politically incorrect, sexist or just
plain stupid jokes then please move ahead
to the section headed Thoughts. However
if you like a bit of a chuckle and don’t
take things too seriously then read
on.
Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the
first one says,
"Ya know, when I
was thirty and got an erection,
I couldn't bend it, even using both hands.
By the time I was forty, I could bend it
about ten degrees if I tried
really hard.
By the time I was fifty, I could bend it
about twenty degrees, no
problem.
I'm gonna be sixty next week, and now I can
bend it in half with just
one hand."
"So," says the second drunk, "what's your
point?"
"Well, I'm just
wondering how much stronger I'm gonna
get."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP buying a
large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet
and was in the checkout queue when a woman
behind me asked if I had a
dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So,
since I'm retired and have little to do, on
impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a
dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I
added that I probably shouldn't, because I
ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd
lost 2
stones before I woke up in
intensive care with tubes coming out of most of
my orifices and IVs in both
arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect
diet and that the way that it works is to load
your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food
is nutritionally complete so it works well and
I was going to try it again. (I have to mention
here that practically everyone in queue was now
enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked
me if I ended up in intensive care because the
dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped
off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and
a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have
a heart attack he was laughing so
hard.
I'm now banned from the
Co-op.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They
have all the time in the world to think of daft
things to say.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An elderly Italian
man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini,
Italy, went to the local church for
confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the
confessional, The man said: 'Father ... During
World War II, a
beautiful
Jewish
woman from our neighborhood knocked
urgently on my door
and asked
me to hide her from the Nazis. So I
hid her in my
attic.'
The
priest replied: 'That was a wonderful thing you
did, and you have no need to confess
that.'
'There is more to tell, Father... She started
to repay me with sexual
favours. This
happened several times a week, and sometimes
twice on
Sundays.'
The
priest said, 'That was a long time ago and by
doing what you did, you placed the two of
you in great danger. but two people
under
those
circumstances can easily succumb to the
weakness of the flesh.
However, if you
are truly sorry for your actions, you are
indeed forgiven.'
'Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my
mind.. I do have one more question.'
'And what is that?' asked the priest.
'Should I tell her the war is
over?''
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SIGN IN A SHOP
WINDOW
'WE WOULD
RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000
ALQAEDA
TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE BRITISH
SOLDIER!'
This sign was prominently displayed in the
window of a business
in
Glamorgan, South
Wales .
You are probably
outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory
statement.
However, we are a
society which holds Freedom of Speech as
perhaps our greatest
liberty.After all, it is
ONLY A SIGN, you may say.
'What kind of
business would dare to post such a
sign?'
Answer:
A FUNERAL
PARLOUR.
(WHO SAID
UNDERTAKERS HAD NO SENSE OF
HUMOUR?)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Older Women Are So
Reasonable
AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I
TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND
SAID, "FORTY-FOUR YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP
APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA
BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.
BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT
25-YEAR-OLD GIRL!
NOW I HAVE A $1,500,000.00 HOME, A
$45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA
SCREEN TV. BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A
69-YEAR-OLD WOMAN! IT SEEMS TO ME
THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF
THINGS."
MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE
TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT
25-YEAR-OLD GIRL AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE
THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN
A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR,
SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING
A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE
TV.
AREN'T OLDER
WOMEN GREAT?
THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE A MID-LIFE
CRISIS.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Court
Proceedings
|
These are from
a book called
Disorder in the
American
Courts, and
are
Things people
actually said
in court, word
for word, taken
down and
now
Published by
court reporters
that had the
torment of
staying calm
while
These exchanges
were actually
taking
place.
ATTORNEY: What
was the first
thing your
husband said to
you
that
m
orning?
WITNESS: He
said, "Where am
I,
Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And
why did that
upset
you?
WITNESS: My
name is
Susan!
______________________________
______________
ATTORNEY: What
gear were you
in at the
moment of the
impact?
WITNESS: Gucci
sweats and
Reeboks.
______________________________
______________
ATTORNEY: Are
you sexually
active?
WITNESS: No, I
just lie
there.
______________________________
______________
ATTORNEY: This
myasthenia
gravis, does it
affect your
memory at
all?
WITNESS:
Yes.
ATTORNEY: And
in what ways
does it affect
your
memory?
WITNESS: I
forget..
ATTORNEY: You
forget? Can you
give us an
example of
something
you
f
orgot?
______________________________
_____________
ATTORNEY: Do
you know if
your daughter
has ever been
involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We
both
do.
ATTORNEY:
Voodoo?
WITNESS: We
do.
ATTORNEY: You
do?
WITNESS: Yes,
voodoo.
______________________________
______________
ATTORNEY: Now
doctor, isn't
it true that
when a person
dies in
his
s
leep,
he
doesn’t
he
doesn't
know about it
until the next
morning?
WITNESS: Did
you actually
pass the bar
exam?
______________________________
______
ATTORNEY: The
youngest son,
the
twenty-year-old,
how old is
he?
WITNESS: He's
twenty, much
like your
IQ.
______________________________
_____________
ATTORNEY: Were
you present
when your
picture was
taken?
WITNESS: Are
you shitting
me?
______________________________
___________
ATTORNEY: So
the date of
conception (of
the baby) was
August
8th?
WITNESS:
Yes.
ATTORNEY: And
what were you
doing at that
time?
WITNESS:
Getting
laid
______________________________
______________
ATTORNEY: She
had three
children,
right?
WITNESS:
Yes.
ATTORNEY: How
many were
boys?
WITNESS:
None.
ATTORNEY: Were
there any
girls?
WITNESS: Your
Honor, I think
I need a
different
attorney. Can I
get
a
New
attorney?
______________________________
______________
ATTORNEY: How
was your first
marriage
terminated?
WITNESS: By
death.
ATTORNEY: And
by whose death
was it
terminated?
WITNESS: Take a
guess.
______________________________
______________
ATTORNEY: Can
you describe
the
individual?
WITNESS: He was
about medium
height and had
a
beard.
ATTORNEY: Was
this a male or
a
female?
WITNESS: Unless
the Circus was
in town I'm
going with
male.
______________________________
_______
ATTORNEY: Is
your appearance
here this
morning
pursuant to a
deposition
Notice which I
sent to your
attorney?
WITNESS: No,
this is how I
dress when I go
to
work.
______________________________
________
ATTORNEY:
Doctor, how
many of your
autopsies have
you performed
on
dead
People?
WITNESS: All of
them. The live
ones put up too
much of a
fight.
______________________________
___________
ATTORNEY: ALL
your responses
MUST be oral,
OK?
What school did
you go
to?
WITNESS:
Oral.
______________________________
___________
ATTORNEY: Do
you recall the
time that you
examined the
body?
WITNESS: The
autopsy started
around 8:30
p.m.
ATTORNEY: And
Mr. Denton was
dead at the
time?
WITNESS: If
not, he was by
the time I
finished.
______________________________
______________
ATTORNEY: Are
you qualified
to give a urine
sample?
WITNESS: Are
you qualified
to ask that
question?
______________________________
________
And the best
for
last:
ATTORNEY:
Doctor, before
you performed
the autopsy,
did you check
for
a
Pulse?
WITNESS:
No.
ATTORNEY: Did
you check for
blood
pressure?
WITNESS:
No.
ATTORNEY: Did
you check for
breathing?
WITNESS:
No.
ATTORNEY: So,
then it is
possible that
the patient was
alive when
you
Began the
autopsy?
WITNESS: No
.
ATTORNEY: How
can you be so
sure,
Doctor?
WITNESS:
Because his
brain was
sitting on my
desk in a
jar.
ATTORNEY: I
see, but could
the patient
have still been
alive,
Nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes,
it is possible
that he could
have been alive
and
practicing
law.
|
|
For the deep
thinkers amongst
us
The
Mayonnaise Jar
When things in your life seem almost too much
to handle,
When 24 hours in a day is not enough; remember
the mayonnaise jar and
2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of
him.
When the class began,
wordlessly,
he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise
jar and start to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was
full.They agreed that it
was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles
and poured it into the jar. He shook the jar
lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas
between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was
full. They agreed it
was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and
poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand
filled up everything
else
He asked once more if the jar was full... The
students responded With an unanimous
'yes.'
The professor then produced two cups of from
under the table and poured the entire contents
into the jar, effectively filling the empty
space between the sand.
The students
laughed.
'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter
subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar
represents your
life.
The golf balls are the important things - God,
family, children, health, friends, and favorite
passions
Things that if everything else was lost and
only they remained, your life would still be
full.
The pebbles are the things that matter like
your job, house, and
car.
The sand is everything else
--
The small
stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he
continued,'there is no
room for the pebbles or the golf balls.The same
goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the
small stuff, You will
never have room for the things that are
important to
you.
So...
Pay attention to the things that are critical
to your happiness.
Play with your children.Take time to get
medical checkups.Take
your partner out to dinner.There will always be
time to clean the house and fix the dripping
tap.
'Take care of the golf balls first
The things that really
matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just
sand.'
One of the students raised her
hand
and inquired what the coffee
represented.
The professor
smiled.
'I'm glad you
asked'.
It just goes to show you that no matter how
full your life may seem,there's always room for
a couple of cups of coffee with a
friend.'
Photos on the
road
Email us a favorite on
the road photo so that we can all keep an
eye on what’s going
on
The Railton
Story
Railton is a picturesque small
town of approx 850 people located on the North
West Tasmania, a scenic 24km drive from
Devonport (via Latrobe). Railton has a
free motor home area next to Railway Park which
is at the centre of the township - a short walk
from Lions Park where you will find a free
electric BBQ and the public toilets. Large
motor home groups only have to contact the
local council to gain permission to use the
large open space next to the motor home area
when the park is full. There is also
plenty of room to park in the very wide main
street and even do a U turn!
The town and area is full of
history - Railton was first surveyed in 1853
and soon had a hotel, 3 churches, a school,
telegraph station and a local turf club. Early
settlers lived in slab huts and were mainly
occupied in farming or timber cutting. One
feature of particular note is Railton's very
wide main street. The street was this wide to
accommodate the bullock teams making their way
to the Railton Railway Station to load produce
at the only railway in the Kentish district at
the time. By the 1900s Railton was a
flourishing timber trade centre and had 2
sawmills. The railway line to Railton was
completed in 1885.
Cement Australia at Railton is
one of Australia's largest cement
manufacturers, producing more than 1.2 million
tonnes of cement a year, and is not only the
largest employer in Railton, it is one of the
North West's leading employers. The history of
the Company dates back to 1923.
Production has increased from a few hundred
tonnes a day in the 1920's to a rate of over
3,500 tonnes a day currently. Over 90% of the
cement produced is transported to interstate
terminals, with 10% sold in
Tasmania.
There are plenty of things to
see and do in Railton. Railton is a part
of Tasmania's "Outdoor Art Gallery" -and here
you will find Tasmania's hidden secret -more
than 140 living
sculptures of character topiary
waiting to be discovered. The wonderful thing
about Railton's topiary is that it is a free
activity -and interesting to all ages! It costs
you nothing but your time to stroll around the
topiary exhibits - you can't say that
everywhere you go! You will see topiary in all
stages of growth along the topiary trail – you
can pick up a free topiary trail map at the
stores in
town.
There are also 4 large outdoor
murals relating to the history of the town, and
one inside the petrol station and Looking Glass
Cottage. “Railton’s Great Elephant Race”
is a particularly interesting mural
“
It was always an exciting
time when the circus came to our town. On this
day everyone was excited because the elephants
were going to have a race in the Main Street. I
stood there in the street watching and waiting:
Mr Len Field and Mr Fred Sipman were going to
ride the elephants. I can remember the
elephants with trainers running up the street
with their riders tucked tightly behind the
elephants ears .Mr Field was the
winner
” - Wayne Muir. The mural
locations are marked on the topiary
map.
Goliath Park has Chainsaw
sculptures, and there are some very interesting
walks in the area including Sykes Sanctuary
with its rock edicts and very old graveyards if
you really like to read some history.
These are all marked on the topiary
map.
There are some very interesting
boutique shops in the small town centre – a
fibre optic shop (free entry) – wander through
the amazing dark rooms full of magical
lighting, a micro brewery “Seven Sheds” which
has tastings of the locally made beer and
mead. You can also get Wendy’s famous
Rabbit Pies and Wendella Jams and Sauces at the
Town of Topiary Tea Rooms and there is a craft
shop with all local products. Currently a
bakery and hairdresser will soon be open.
There is a RSL and Hotel, however no meals are
available. There is also a pizza
and a take away shop, a supermarket and veggie
shop and petrol and service station - so
supplies are easy to
access.
It is a great place to make your
base as it is within a short drive of the
beaches, rivers, Lakes and the mountain areas
with activities in the surrounding area readily
accessible such as Fishing, kayaking, Swimming
(river and sea all within easy distance),
Cycling (also velodrome at Recreation
ground). Bush Walking at Sykes Sanctuary,
Stoodley Forest Walk (& Redwater Creek
Falls), and the Tasmanian Trail – (horse, cycle
or walk from the North to the South of
Tasmania). There are also the usual
shopping and tourist venues at the larger towns
when you feel you have had enough of the
quiet.
More
information can be found on the
website
www.townoftopiary.com.au
.
Contribution by Jamie
and Maree
Douglas
|
The
English
language
|
Read all the
way to the
end..............(The
end is the best
bit of evidence
that English is
a hard
language)
This took a
lot of work to
put
together!!!
|
1)
The
bandage
was
wound
around
the
wound.
2)
The
farm
was
used
to
produce
produce
.
3)
The
dump
was
so
full
that
it
had
to
refuse
more
refuse.
4)
We
must
polish
the
Polish
furniture.
5)
He
could
lead
if
he
would
get
the
lead
out.
6)
The
soldier
decided
to
desert
his
dessert
in
the
desert.
7)
Since
there
is
no
time
like
the
present,
he
thought
it
was
time
to
present
the
present
.
8)
A
bass
was
painted
on
the
head
of
the
bass
drum.
9)
When
shot
at,
the
dove
dove
into
the
bushes.
10)
I
did
not
object
to
the
object.
11)
The
insurance
was
invalid
for
the
invalid.
12)
There
was
a
row
among
the
oarsmen
about
how
to
row.
13)
They
were
too
close
to
the
door
to
close
it.
14)
The
buck
does
funny
things
when
the
does
are
present.
15)
A
seamstress
and
a
sewer
fell
down
into
a
sewer
line.
16)
To
help
with
planting,
the
farmer
taught
his
sow
to
sow.
17)
The
wind
was
too
strong
to
wind
the
sail.
18)
Upon
seeing
the
tear
in
the
painting
I
shed
a
tear.
19)
I
had
to
subject
the
subject
to
a
series
of
tests.
20)
How
can
I
intimate
this
to
my
most
intimate
friend?
Let's
face
it
-
English
is
a
crazy
language.
There
is
no
egg
in
eggplant,
nor
ham
in
hamburger;
neither
apple
nor
pine
in
pineapple.
English
muffins
weren't
invented
in
England or
French
fries
in
France .
Sweetmeats
are
candies
while
sweetbreads,
which
aren't
sweet,
are
meat.
We
take
English
for
granted.
But
if
we
explore
its
paradoxes,
we
find
that
quicksand
can
work
slowly,
boxing
rings
are
square
and
a
guinea
pig
is
neither
from
Guinea nor
is
it
a
pig.
And
why
is
it
that
writers
write
but
fingers
don't
fing,
grocers
don't
groce
and
hammers
don't
ham?
If
the
plural
of
tooth
is
teeth,
why
isn't
the
plural
of
booth,
beeth?
One
goose,
2
geese.
So
one
moose,
2
meese?
One
index,
2
indices?
Doesn't
it
seem
crazy
that
you
can
make
amends
but
not
one
amend?
If
you
have
a
bunch
of
odds
and
ends
and
get
rid
of
all
but
one
of
them,
what
do
you
call
it?
If
teachers
taught,
why
didn't
preachers
praught?
If
a
vegetarian
eats
vegetables,
what
does
a
humanitarian
eat?
Sometimes
I
think
all
the
English
speakers
should
be
c
ommitted
to
an
asylum
for
the
verbally
insane.
In
what
language
do
people
recite
at
a
play
and
play
at
a
recital?
Ship
by
truck
and
send
cargo
by
ship?
Have
noses
that
run
and
feet
that
smell?
How
can
a
slim
chance
and
a
fat
chance
be
the
same,
while
a
wise
man
and
a
wise
guy
are
opposites?
You
have
to
marvel
at
the
unique
lunacy
of
a
language
in
which
your
house
c
an
burn
up
as
it
burns
down,
in
which
you
fill
in
a
form
by
filling
it
out
and
in
which,
an
alarm
goes
off
by
going
on.
English
was
invented
by
people,
n
ot
computers,
and
it
reflects
the
creativity
of
the
human
race,
which,
of
course,
is
not
a
race
at
all.
That
is
why,
when
the
stars
are
out,
they
are
visible,
but
when
the
lights
are
out,
they
are
invisible.
PS.
-
Why
doesn't
'Buick'
rhyme
with
'quick'
?
You
lovers
of
the
English
language
Might
enjoy
this
.
There
is
a
two-letter
word
t
hat
perhaps
has
more
meanings
than
any
other
two-letter
word,
and
that
is
'UP.'
It's
easy
to
understand
...
UP,
meaning
toward
the
sky
or
at
The
top
of
the
list,
but
when
we
awaken
in
the
morning,
why
do
we
wake
UP ?
At
a
meeting,
why
does
a
topic
come
UP ?
Why
do
we
speak
UP and
why
are
the
officers
UP for
election
and
why
is
it
UP to
the
secretary
to
write
UP a
report?
We
call
UP our
friends.
And
we
use
it
to
brighten
UP a
room,
polish
UP the
silver;
we
warm
UP the
leftovers
and
clean
UP the
kitchen.
We
lock
UP the
house
and
some
guys
fix
UP the
old
car.
At
other
times
the
little
word
has
real
special
meaning.
People
stir
UP
trouble,
line
UP for
tickets,
work
UP an
appetite,
and
think
UP excuses.
To
be
dressed
is
one
thing,
but
to
be
dressed
UP is
special.
And
this
UP is
confusing:
A
drain
must
be
opened
UP because
it
is
stopped
UP.
We
open
UP a
store
in
the
morning
but
we
close
it
UP at
night.
We
seem
to
be
pretty
mixed
UP about
UP
!
To
be
knowledgeable
about
the
proper
uses
of
UP,
look
the
word
UP in
the
dictionary.
In
a
desk-sized
dictionary,
it
takes
UP
almost
1/4th
of
the
page
and
can
add
UP to
about
thirty
definitions.
If
you
are
UP to
it,
you
might
try
building
a
list
of
the
many
ways
UP is
used.
It
will
take
UP a
lot
of
your
time,
but
if
you
don't
give
UP,
you
may
wind
UP with
a
hundred
or
more.
When
it
threatens
to
rain,
we
say
it
is
clouding
UP .
When
the
sun
comes
out
we
say
it
is
clearing
UP.
When
it
rains,
it
wets
the
earth
and
often
messes
things
UP
.
When
it
doesn't
rain
for
awhile,
things
dry
UP
.
One
could
go
on
and
on,
but
I'll
wrap
it
UP,
for
now
my
time
is
UP,
so........it
is
time
to
shut
UP!
Oh
.
.
.
one
more
thing:
What
is
the
first
thing
you
do
in
the
morning
&
the
last
thing
you
do
at
night?
U
-
P
|
|
Notice of
General Meeting Highway
Wanderers
Scheduled for
3.30PM
Tuesday
16
th
March at
Tassy
Rally.
Please
confirm venue time and date
from rally
program
.
|
|