Highway Wanderers                                                                                                              Highway Wanderers

 
 

We are a proud Chapter of the Campervan & Motorhome Club of Australia

We hope these jokes will make you smile more, laugh more and live longer.

3 jokes submitted x Gwen Hodgkinson

HOLY SHEET
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now, stand and confess your transgression."
Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke: "Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding.
"I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

THE EYES HAVE IT
A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He'd been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place fora nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman ... are you this nice to every guy you meet?''
"No: she replied, "you just happened to catch my eye."

.................................................

YOUR NUMBER'S UP

A man goes into the doctor's feeling a little ill. The doctor checks him over and says, "Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus, it's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth."

So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to go to bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before. They arrive at bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins $35. Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins $320! Then he gets the full house and wins $1,000! Then the national game comes up and he wins that too, getting $380,000!

The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says: "Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full-house and the national game on the same card. You must be the luckiest man on earth!"

"Lucky?' he screamed. "Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24."

"Bugger me," says the bingo caller. "You've won the raffle as well!"

...........................................................

Val and Ron retired to an old mango farm in north Queensland. One day Val said to Ron: " Why don't you go and look at those trees down by the creek. I think the fruit might be ripe."
So Ron grabbed a bucket and wandered down towards the creek. When he got close, he heard sounds of splashing and giggling. Several naked young women were enjoying themselves, but when they saw him, they immediately immersed themselves
up to their necks, and one shouted out, "Go away, you old pervert!"
"Don't worry about me," Ron replied, holding up his bucket. "I just came down to feed the crocodile".
Submitted by: Hazel Beneke

Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For Those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland ) 

Dear Mum & Dad
I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the station - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get
outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody horses to get in, no calves to feed, no troughs to clean - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!  At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or goanna stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed a gain until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered
because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the bullock paddock!!
This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody dingo's arse and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of piss!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo
shooting truck when you reload! Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster. Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across
the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer. I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.

Your loving daughter
Sheila
Donated x M&D Kennedy

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